are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
