she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My pussy is not your playground.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize