you turned your livingroom into a bong?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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