My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
