I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize