is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
