if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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