Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I want her autograph on my taint
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
