he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize