May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
