I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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