bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
