I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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