Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
