So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
