i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
