I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
