hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
