In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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