Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
