Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
