my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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