Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dignity is for republicans.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
