I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize