i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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