So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
