yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
