And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
