The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
