If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
