Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
