first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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