He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
