I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
