What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
