Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
