my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
