I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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