this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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