I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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