If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
