are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
