He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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