Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
