I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm passing your future prison.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize