Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
