You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
