you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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