I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
