I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
