Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
