yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's rum buckets o'clock
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
