I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
