Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she peed on how many people?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
