mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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