Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Come see our sink grown plant.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
