I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize