She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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