just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize