Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
