Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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