I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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