So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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