went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
