A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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