Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
