I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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