i don't like sucking hair
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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