could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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