so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize