you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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