Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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