omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
