this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
