yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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