mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
