someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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