Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize