Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
