then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize