Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is wine microwaveable?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
