Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
