I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
