Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
