Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
