my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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