Yo dont text me then not text me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize