im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize