Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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