wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
