Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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