Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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