Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
