we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
