Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want her autograph on my taint
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
