Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize