I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
