guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
