Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize