Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
