i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
